There are days when we eat green foods, do yoga and smile and there are days when we eat cake and chill in bed or feel pretty sad. This is called balance. There never can be just perfect state. We are not robots programmed to act as desired.
And when you eat less, eat ”grass”, constantly stressed, constantly in fear – not a week, not a day, not a month – but months, years, many years for many of us. Can you imagine how much harmony and balance our body and mind needs? Do you realize that each time you eat and feel absolutely full till the point you cannot move – that is just a response from your body that screams: ”I want the balance back”! And it truly does not matter whether it is a week of deprivation or a year – the balance needs to be restored. And what you need to do then is to let go – to allow, to relax, to accept it.
There are many sites talking about eating disorders – like it is some kind of illness, a disaster when you need to be put on another diet to recover. Really?? And the doctors thinking they will help you by controlling your weight. What an absolute joke! Putting you on another diet to recover and building a healthy relationship with all the food and eliminate the triggers – seriously?? After years of starving – dieting is the last thing we should think about. Our list of ”bad food” is very long. I have never believed that strict method could work. And I was right. I realized that what I need is a balance but there is one more thing I had to consider: The consequences and body damage caused by the eating disorder.
Instead of suffering in silence I reached and met other people who suffered like me, I learned how to change my neural pathways, I wrote 100 pages of diary. When everyone was talking of dieting I was thinking of how big dinner I was going to eat and what I would eat for dessert. Always a dessert . I was re-building a healthy relationship with food, eating absolutely everything and at the same time – building regular habits and cooking the food I loved. And you know what ? I let go. But even then my body knew what it was doing – my body was giving me signs. My body gave me a few big lessons which I will write in my following blogs.
I will share my diary with you. It has been 5 years now since I have recovered from eating disorder. And looking back I cannot believe I was there and – sometimes – the tears in my eyes only show how much I suffered. I could not believe when it happened naturally – and it was not a moment in time – it was a gradually reinforced pathway in my brain.
YOU become what you repeatedly do. Never give up.
The truth is – there is no one else who controls your body weight but your own body and the key to recover is to build the trust with your body and mind. Trust. And what is it that trust? OK – here is the big one:
- Trust is no restricting on what your body needs
- Trust is no starving when your body needs food
- Trust is building regular patterns of eating
- Trust is enjoying and believing in yourself
- Trust is the balance that when you think that all is screwed up – you know that your body and your mind is your best-est friend.
- Trust works both ways – you trust your body – your body trusts you.
Your body never realizes there is a shop with food on every corner – and when you starve – your body will try to protect you, fight to survive – to keep you safe. The backfire you experience is the big need to get your balance back. And the more you fight with yourself – the worse it becomes.
So – when do we start this journey of getting the balance back? We start just with the first thought about it. The most difficult is to work on yourself. But it is worth it. You are worth it. The balance is inside you. It shouts to go out.
Trust your feelings – whatever you do is right – never blame yourself. You are enough whether you believe it right now or not.