Another page from my diary

    I am sorry for being quiet for so long. I had many issues in my life, relationship struggles are on my list to heal, I even bought a few books. I believe that when we put a heart into what we do, we become what we dream of. It has been 5 years when I am completely free from an eating disorder and I am so grateful for it. I cannot believe that I have been there and when I look to the past I only smile with proud. I will help you as much as I can and post as much as I can – hopefully I will get to know the WordPress better and organize my diary, help and other stuff I want to include here. But for now I want to share a page from my diary – it was at the beginning of my recovery when I was observing how my body reacts to everything I was doing basically. I hope it is helpful:

“I simply reckon that at the beginning of recovering drinking alcohol can be very relaxing in a bad way unless we can control it properly and start to overcome ED for good. I just had 2 corona beers with my friends. After they left my control went down. I felt very low, but only managed to eat fruits with some cream. I stopped by the massive box of chocs and thought: I’m three weeks Free of B/P, I eat great regular meals, treats, every day. I’m recovering. I’m doing well. Why would I come back? The relaxed state of mind after alcohol can’t stop me. I don’t drink and even if , this is very very rare, so this wasn’t so good experience tonight. I nearly lost control. I want that sick ED out of me once and for good!!!. And now I’m in my bed happy of the success .. And truly I don’t bother about any chocolates and any food. My body naturally refused my ED. I ate those fruits because maybe I wanted and even if I thought I lost control I didn’t (my problem was always restricting .. I could starve myself for weeks, drink just water for 4 days, so I’m still bloated after 3 weeks of and I constantly feel I eat too much because I was never eating enough.. I learn what’s the meaning of eating now… :). I don’t feel full nor bad… I feel absolutely ok now. Why on earth would I binge ?? Eating 5-6 meals per day and allowing myself what I want. The cure comes naturally. Mixed with your help (my community), dance and self-kindness it works great !! I’m erasing the list of forbidden food

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