I was afraid of letting go. Healing from eating disorder is just a start of understanding the layers underneath. The need for love. Unconditional love, pure, with no fear. When we feel that we can’t love unconditionally we hold back . But for how long ?
Can we love ourselves unconditionally? Can we be happy with all the choices we make? Can we forgive ourselves every fall?
I believe we can trust ourselves and yes, we can be not so focused on our failures. But why are we?
Because we want to satisfy others’ expectations about how we look, how we talk, what we have. Our life and our choices depend on many other things than us.
So, we try to satisfy others’ expectations by trying at the same time to love ourselves and forgive any move we think was not ”appropriate”.
So our slips come from the punishment for something we think might have done wrong.
Sometimes the pressure is so strong that we cannot hold it. We are pushed against the wall without breath. We cannot see a way out. ED is not a solution either. It takes us down even more by giving just the wrong impression. False temporary numbness followed by guilt.
The Solution – Stay unique as you are
What if no one else existed? What if there’s just you? Would you bother about how much you eat and what you eat? Who would you want to satisfy?
The relief comes from here: Imagine that you can do what you feel. That you don’t have to satisfy anyone else. That your choice is a good choice.
That your feelings are right. Don’t cry for it. Keep your uniqueness. You are beautiful as you are and that is fact.
You are enough.
” Imagine how much easier your life will be, and how much more stable your self -esteem will be, if you realise that you have worth as a person independently of how much other people value you. You can appreciate being liked, admired or respected without feeling a dire necessity to prompt these responses, or living in fear of losing them.”
Did you just eat too much? So what? How do you know it is too much? I drank two cups of hot cocoa and ate a few pieces of chocolate. Who will tell me it was too much? It is so subjective. I feel very good about it because I don’t need more cocoa for tonight. Who knows maybe tomorrow I want it again or maybe not!
Today there is no one to judge you. There is no one to punish you. And you as well will not punish yourself anymore. Instead you will talk to yourself, love yourself.
Feel the relief. Cry as you want, laugh. You are here, maybe happy, maybe shaking and crying, maybe angry, maybe exhausted. But now you can. You are allowed to feel anything, and your life is in front of you. No matter what, if you look – it is there. What is holding you back? What does not allow you to make that step forward?
Your real and true appearance is who you are, and it feels great.
Any slips, fears, binges, starvations lead to the broken image – a Snow Queen’s broken piece of glass in our eyes.
Let it go, don’t hold on to it so strong. Throw it away. Right now. And do it every day each time you hold it again. No matter what this is: Binge, purge, drugs, alcohol. Allow it to disappear.
Don’t hold on to your feelings. My decision for today is to face my fear. Yes, I am afraid to lose because it is a human nature. Because I love and it only shows I care.
Each time I go to the mountains I prepare for my journey. I am full of hope and excitement. Climbing is hard. There are moments where I feel exhausted, cold, dehydrated. But with my compass and a map I know where I am and where I am going. Even if I loose a path I follow the right Direction, I make my path.
People used to live the shamanic way. They were so much connected to the nature and balanced. Today, the society, the pressure, the rat race – disconnect us from nature. Being so isolated from the earth is the main reason why we suffer. Only we can change that.
Never give up on you decisions, never give up in life. You are worth the very best.
Love and Light